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A Year On My Own: How Travel Got Me Over a Breakup

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A Year On My Own: How Travel Got Me Over a Breakup

This is a post I’ve been trying to write for months, but I keep backing out. Or I write the whole thing, but it comes out all wrong and I have to delete it. Part of the problem is that I’m scared. It’s a pretty personal post, and the way it could be perceived troubles me to the point that I may never publish it. There are a lot of reasons for me never to share this post – but here I am, writing it again.

Because last year was a seriously important year for me in many ways, and it all started with that break-up fourteen months ago. And maybe, just maybe, some other girl out there is in my shoes and finds herself reading this post. If my story helps to inspire just one person out there, then perhaps it’s worth sharing. So here goes.

At the end of 2015, my boyfriend of nearly six years broke up with me. It came suddenly, to me at least, and out of the blue. We were saving up for a mortgage, and talking about marriage, and I honestly thought that today I’d be planning my wedding and halfway through redecorating the lounge of a small two-bedroom house in Hampshire. I also honestly thought that was what I wanted. (Spoiler alert – I was wrong).

And so, 2016 dawned with me single, alone, and frightened about the future. But two very important things happened that January. First, I spent New Year’s Eve in Edinburgh on a blogger trip, where I found myself having a serious amount of fun for the first time since the breakup. That was when I realised that I could still enjoy my life without Sam – that there was a future in which I could recover and feel better, and that, once I’d moved on, I would still be the same happy, fun-loving person I’d always been. Because I don’t need to be with anyone else in order to be her.

The second thing was a blogger trip to Tignes, where I tried skiing for the first time and realised that what I needed more than anything else was to travel, try new things, and fill my life with distractions until I’d moved on. So I booked myself a flight to Thailand and set off, solo for the first time, to find myself, or whatever it is single women do when they hit the road.

Shy Solo Traveller
On my first solo backpacking trip in Bangkok

But I Don’t Want to be Solo!

Oh god, I was so scared about that trip. Far more than I ever let on. I was scared to travel alone for the first time ever, scared about making friends, scared that it would all go wrong somehow. But even bigger was the fear that I would somehow miss my chance to get Sam back. Because the only thing getting me through the days back then was the delusional belief that he was going to realise he was wrong and appear on my doorstep to tell me so, and we’d elope and live happily ever after. So, what if I went to Thailand for two months and he had that realisation while I wasn’t around for him to tell, and by the time I got back he’d given up and moved on with some beautiful Finnish girl named Tatiana and I was alone forever?

The only person I confided that fear to was my youngest brother Jordan. I was too ashamed to mention it to anyone else. I was ashamed because I knew that it was a stupid reason not to start moving on with my life – but starting to move on is the scariest thing imaginable when moving on was never something you wanted to do. Luckily, my little brother is pretty smart for a nerdy teenager, and he told me whats what. I wish I could remember his exact words, but they were something like, “don’t be an idiot”. With some kindly, smart, advice type stuff thrown in.

A Year in the Life of a Travel Blogger

Because everyone needs a little bit of blunt little-brotherly advice every now and then, I’m going to say it to you, now. You, if you’re reading this after a break up. If you’re thinking about moving on but at the same time clinging hopefully to the impossible Fantine dream that he’ll still come back*. To you I say, as gently as possible: don’t be an idiot. Here are some reasons you need to let go:

  1. If he** IS going to realise his mistakes and come rushing back to you, there is no faster way to kick-start that realisation than by him seeing you happy and having fun. So, go on, start being happy and having fun. Right now.
  2. If you’re busy trying to have fun and be happy, there is less risk of you doing something regrettable and embarrassing like leaving your ex 48 voicemails in one night or sending a drunk text about wanting to kill yourself. My first bad break-up, those were things I did regularly. Not this time. Grown up Emily is a post-break-up dream.
  3. If your ex doesn’t ever realise what a wonderful awesome person you are and that he shouldn’t have let you go, at least you won’t have wasted months sitting around waiting for him…
  4. In fact, by focusing on moving on and being happy, you’ll quite possibly already be over him by the time you realise that he’s never going to change his mind***. So you won’t care. Hooray!
  5. If you don’t try to move on, you may wind up sad and miserable and alone and having to sell your hair like Fantine. And no one wants that.

* is I Dreamed a Dream perhaps the best song ever about breakups?

**or she, obviously. I’m just going to say “he” because it’s easier than writing both!

***this is what happened for me (yay). As you will see later on. 

How to Get Your Ex Back

Just so you know you can trust my clearly excellent advice, I’m going to share some embarrassing truths with you. I was a mess when Sam dumped me. I didn’t want to move on, because I couldn’t admit to myself that there was anything better for me in the world than that relationship.

I was so used to being part of that relationship that I was terrified to even think about trying to be on my own. My rock bottom moment came when I signed up to a newsletter entitled “how to get your ex back”. I almost paid $30 for the online course, too, but thankfully I was with my friend Ruth and I knew she’d call me an idiot if I did.

My Life in June

That newsletter actually had some pretty good advice, but not in the way it promised. It was a daily piece of faux-confidence-building nonsense designed to peddle the $30 course*, but it did feature a couple of useful things. The author of the newsletter told me not to call or text my ex at all for thirty days. I wanted to, desperately, but I held off – because they said it would make him miss me and encourage him to get in touch with me.

That didn’t work, but by not texting him, I did start to find it easier to think about him less. One of the other pieces of advice was to focus on doing things that made me, just me, happy (to remind him what I used to be like before I was all brokenhearted and such), and while it didn’t work as intended, it did make me feel good again. Travelling has always been my first love, so for me, hitting the road, getting a tan, wearing some new clothes… it was all a boost for the self-esteem that had hit rock bottom.

*Before you start scrambling for your credit card, let me again say to you, gently: don’t be an idiot

Travel Yourself Over a Breakup

Ah, but this post was supposed to be about travel. Yes, let’s get to that.

Last year – I travelled. A lot. I travelled the shit out of 2016. Two months backpacking Asia, approximately five billion press trips, learning to do all kinds of new things, taking the odd insane scary challenge, spending time with some really good friends, a few dozen amazing nights of blind-drunkenness or terrible karaoke, and a handful of brief romances… it was basically the perfect recipe for moving on.

That year I set myself the challenge of doing one thing a month that scared me. It all stemmed from the skiing – because that had been such a huge boost to my self-confidence. Trying something new, discovering a new talent, conquering a fear – it’s so good for you. It’s good for anyone, but it’s especially good for someone whose self-esteem has been deflated to near non-existence by heartbreak. That’s the gift that travel will always give you. You discover new capabilities, try new things, learn skills, make friends, and have fun. Having fun is inevitable, and it’s crucial to the whole “moving on” thing. And oh boy did I have some fun last year.

Bungee Jumping in Rishikesh
My bungee jump in Rishikesh

If you read my annual round-up post, or were following my blog last year, you’ll have seen the kind of adventures I had. It all came from taking the plunge and booking the solo backpacking trip to Asia that terrified me. As soon as I was out there, the breakup seemed a little less present. Most days, I was totally distracted. And the longer I focused on having fun, throwing myself into the adventure, and trying new things… the less aware of the pain I was, and the less I thought about Sam, or pondered how to get him back. I unsubscribed from that stupid newsletter. I realised he was never coming back – and I realised I was ok with that. Every day, I felt better.

Being so far away and rediscovering my love of travel gave me some much-needed perspective. I started to see the things that had been wrong with our relationship, and to realise Sam was probably right to end it. The more I threw myself into travel, the more I realised that I didn’t want that little two-bed in Hampshire or the engagement ring or to be planning a wedding – at least not yet. I wanted to keep travelling, and keep building the life I’d created for myself. I wanted to stop living as part of an “us” – and just be me for a while. And so that’s exactly what I decided to do.

When I came home two months later, I wasn’t completely over Sam. I hadn’t fully moved on. But I had let go of the idea that we might magically get back together. And I was feeling much better. And, most importantly, I was ready to move on – I was even excited about it. From there, I threw myself into a whirlwind year of trips, monthly scary challenges, and trying new things – and by the end of 2016 (if not before) I had 100% moved on. I’ve even become a far more confident, strong, independent person than I was before the breakup.

October Travel Round Up

How to Get Over Your Ex with Travel

Obviously, I’m something of an extreme case, because for me travel is more of a compulsion, an addiction. Its something that’s as much a part of me as my skin colour or my dorky sense of humour: completely un-changeable. It’s also my job. But even if your not as weirdly obsessed with constant motion as I am, travel can honestly be the best way to get over a break up and move on with your life.

People are full of stories about how travel changed them. How it opens your eyes to the world or teaches you who you really are. And the reason that there are so many of these stories, is because its all true; travel changes you. There is no better way to learn about yourself than through travel. How you handle tough situations, how you interact with new people… these are things that make you.

If you are broken-hearted, newly single, or just feeling lost or directionless in life… travel. For as long as you can. If you can’t go for months, make it short trips or weekend breaks, even day trips. Go somewhere completely on your own. Try something new. Scare yourself. Do things purely because you want to do them, and not because of anyone else. Be a little selfish. Indulge. Focus on pursuing the things you love, the things that make you happy. Seek out the joy in life. And slowly, I promise, you will start to feel better. I did.

Have you been through a breakup recently? Feel free to ask questions, share thoughts, or generally vent in the comments. I would genuinely love to hear from you! 

Getting Over a Breakup with Travel

48 thoughts on “A Year On My Own: How Travel Got Me Over a Breakup”

      1. …..hmmm….I’m in bed…early in the morning…looked at my phone…see what life is all about….when love went sour….and I bump into your write up…..I wish I can do the same….to wipe out memories…and be happy again….I envy you…..i wish I can do…what you do…….

        1. Good morning Nor!! Sorry to hear you’re going through the same thing I did, and I hope you start to feel better soon. You can do the same. Maybe you don’t have to go backpacking around Thailand like the cliched single woman I decided to be (!) but honestly, the best way to get through it is to complete distract yourself by trying something new. Maybe you can start with a few day trips to places you’ve never been before? Or take a class in something you’ve never done. Hoenstly, the best thing I found was trying new things. It’s a total distraction and it helps give your mind focus, and boost your confidence.

  1. Glad and sad to read this, it’s all about the journey we create, some things we can’t influence but we have to take control the bits we can. Saddened to read your recent post about your grandad and can see how this has created new challenges in your thinking but hoping you’ve found clarity back at home. Good on you Em and good luck with this new year xx

    1. Thanks Emma. Strangely enough I actually look on the whole breakup as a really positive thing now. I feel it’s given me back my life, and a side of myself I’d sort of forgotten.

      It’s been really tough since my granddad passed – so glad to be back amongst family. Now to just figure out my head a bit! Anyway, onwards and upwards! Hope you’re well :)

  2. Dear Emily, thank you so much for writing this article! I can relate to it so much. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I could not handle it and flew to Asia for three months. I always wanted to travel and now I was free and I able to do whatever I want. However I had the same fear as you, that I would miss my chance to get him back. But I went anyway, and when he reached out to me while I was in Cambodia, I stayed strong and ignored him (but I did have a meltdown in my dorm…classy).
    So I recognize the hope you had..I had it too. When I got back from my first trip, I actually met up with him, I guess in the hope that he would think ‘wow what an awesome, independent could I have let her go’, but it did not go exactly that way. So I would not say my trip cured me, neither did my second trip to Southeast Asia last year LOL. However travelling has changed me and I love it, so for now that is fine by me ;)

    1. Thanks so much Stephanie! It’s definitely not a full cure but it is a great way to re-find your joy and discover a new side of yourself. And its certainly given me a new appreciation of being single, and taught me my own worth a bit more. I feel so much stronger now :) Thanks for reading and commenting!

  3. You’ve done so amazingly Em – you’re right about the distractions of scary things, crazy trips etc helping, but ultimately you got over him and learned lots on the way. Can’t wait to see you soon x

  4. Sadly I dont have the opportunity to go and travel but I am celebrating..yes you read that right , celebrating a year of being single. Almost a year to the day after my 14 year relationship ended without warning (yeah we’d been on and off for a while but him cheating definitely wasn’t on my radar) the first month I cried …A lot..then came the strength. It started a bit wobbly .I asked him to choose BUT on the understanding that if he wanted her then we were 100% done for good and I wouldn’t be sitting waiting for it to go wrong so he could come back to me. He chose her…here’s the kicker , we owned our house and neither were in a position to sell so I’ve spent the past YEAR having him spend most nights at his now girlfriend’s (they became a couple days after me finding out ) BUT last month the house finally went on the market and I CAN’T WAIT to be officially free to fully move on. Thank you for sharing your year as a single girl x x x

    1. So glad I’m not the only one!! Those dumb emails – perfectly designed to prey on people in our position!

      Even if you can’t travel much – the odd day trip, or just starting a new hobby, can have the same effect. My friend started trampolining after her break up and that’s been great for her. Trying new things and going new places – places you never went with your ex. All good stuff!

      Sounds like you’ve been through a really rough time of it – good luck with selling the house and moving on. Get out there and enjoy your new life :) xxx

  5. I am so happy to have found this post, I appreciate you sharing your story. My partner of 4.5 years ended things very recently. We spent 5 months once backpacking, sharing the same small tent. I miss him dearly, and have had a hard time letting go.

    This weekend I googled the happiest countries in the world (I know, I know) and found Norway at #4. To get through the day I find myself researching everything there is to know about Norway. The tickets are reasonably priced, and I really think I’m going to attempt my first solo trip in Norway.

    Thank you again, for your post.

    1. Hi Kaitlan. Thank you so much for commenting. First of all… I’m so sorry that you’re relationship ended. It’s always such a hard thing to go though but I hope you come out the other side of it stronger and happier than before.

      I really really recommend a solo trip. It can be so tough but doing something completely new and out of your comfort zone is one of the best ways I know of getting over something like this. Let me know if you book the trip (you definitely should!) as I’d love to hear more.

      Best of luck either way :)
      Emily x

  6. So nice to find this post! I am just out of a 10 year relationship with an emotionally abusive man. I blame myself mostly as I stayed…I tried. Now I’m out for good and planning a solo road trip and after reading your posts, I feel much more inspired! Thank you!

    1. Oh Margaret, thanks so much for commenting and sharing your story. One – well done you for finally being out and recognising that it’s a positive thing. Never blame yourself! I’ve stayed way too long in relationships I shouldn’t have too, and it’s in no way our fault. It’s totally understandable. Two – look forward to your adventures. I promise that the only way is up from here and you’re going to have such an amazing time. Some days solo travel can suck or you’ll just wish you had someone with you or wonder what the hell you’re doing. But most days it’s amazing. And when you’re done you can look back and think “I did that all by myself” – and that’s such a good feeling. Onwards and upwards – enjoy it :)

  7. This is amazing!! I’m so glad it helped you so much. I’m planning a trip to Southeast Asia for a couple of months for many of the same reasons. A chance to get what I want out of life and move on! A great read!

    1. Oh YAY! So glad that you’re planning your own trip. I can’t tell you how much it helped – changed my life! It didn’t fix everything but it gave me the time I needed to heal and see that life was going to be better out of that relationship :)

  8. This article really helped me today, thank you Emily. I’ve actually just packed in my London corporate life, to head off to new experiences and try and build a writing career online. Until two weeks ago I had expected to be heading off on those adventures with my boyfriend of 2.5 years but that is no more. Although I know I can travel and do it all on my own, the fact is I didn’t want to and there is so much fear holding me back. Your article has inspired me to stay true to myself, to pursue the travel and not just give up and go back to the London life, tail between legs. The question is where do I go first? Thank you and I am happy that you made it through to a better place.

    1. Thank you so much for commenting, Karen. I’m so pleased to hear it helped – honestly even though I hated writing this I thought that if I could just help one person it would make it worth it.

      I know exactly how you’re feeling right now and it’s terrifying, but stay strong. You never planned or wanted to do anything solo, and that makes it seem even more scary. People always say “you need to move on” etc, but I know how scary it can be to even think about moving on, when it wasn’t something you were ever planning to do. And honestly, within a few months you will feel amazing again. Nothing like a bit of travel to sort you right out. Get out there and start having adventures – do all the things you’ve always wanted to do. Even better if it’s something he would never have done! As for where to go first? Pick the place he least wanted to go. Be as self indulgent as possible and do EVERYTHING your way – you’ll enjoy it all the more ;)

      Hoping you feel better soon and wishing you all the best with your travels and writing. Good luck, and ENJOY IT :)

  9. I am right now suffering from a breakup. We work in same office. And I am constantly hurting to see him with someone else.

    I am going for a 13day Euro group trip(yet to be booked) Plus might extend 6-7 days solo.

    I am deeply depressed and hurt. My chest pains and suffocates.

    Still holding that last rope of hope. Unable to accept it yet.

    1. Hi Priyanka. I’m so sorry you’re going through this – it’s never easy. Especially if you are in the same office and have to see each other all the time. But my sister always tells me “this too shall pass” – and she’s right. It will be really rubbish for a while, but then it will get better. I think you should get to booking that trip as soon as you can, as some time away from the situation will definitely do you good and hopefully take your mind off things and give you a new perspective.

      Good luck, and I really hope you feel better soon.

  10. Hi Emily, I am so thankful to have just come across this article. Embarrassingly enough, I found it after searching things on google. I was in a relationship with a co-worker (we are both teachers) who was completely emotionally unavailable. Yet, we started a relationship, and despite this, became incredibly close (now realizing maybe we were codependent) and fully integrated into each other’s daily lives for a year now. Now he has ended things and I feel completely panicked and physically ill over it. He was never good for me from the start but I am seriously so glad I found this article…

    I too love traveling and have had the privilege to travel many places because of benefits from my father’s job with the airlines. I even took my now-ex on a trip to Asia this year. It is incredibly painful to think about our trip there, but I used to solo travel all the time before I started this teaching job and this relationship. I am a teacher so I have two more weeks of summer break and I am thinking I will just run away somewhere I have not been yet and try to immerse myself in a new culture before I have to see his face at work all year :( Anyways, Asia seems to painful to return to yet, where should I go???

    Also, SO glad you decided to finally publish this even though you were having doubts about it. It has helped me immensely on this sad night & has seemed to help others in the comments. You are honestly inspiring <3 Thank you!

    1. Hi Claire! Thank you SO much for commenting :)

      Don’t be embarrassed – as I mentioned in my post, I had actually signed up to one of those “how to get your ex back” newsletters and very nearly paid actual money for a “course” too. So glad I didn’t!

      As for travelling solo – I definitely think you should do it again. It really is the perfect distraction from a rubbish situation, and also can give you the space, time, and perspective to clear your head and start thinking about what you wanna do moving forwards. Asia is probably my favourite solo travel destination, and there are lots of different places so you could try somewhere totally different to where you took your ex. But if you really don’t fancy Asia then Latin America is my all-time favourite region to travel. Peru is great for solo travel and such an adventure. Or Mexico and the Central American countries like Guatemala and Nicaragua are fantastic.

      Thanks again for commenting. I really hope this post helped a little because that was all I wanted to do!


  11. Dear Emily, I am doing the same thing but thinking of being lonely during my trip is hunting me so bad that I want to cancel the whole thing :(

    1. You won’t be lonely, I promise! Stay in hostels or sign up for group tours, look for meet-ups, that sort of thing. There will be so many amazing people for you to meet! Honestly the people I met on that first trip after my breakup are still some of my closest friends. I have a post called “The Shy Girls Guide to Solo Travel” which might help you see how to meet people etc:

      Good luck with your trip! Be brave, take an open mind, and get ready to have an incredible time :D

  12. Hey Emily, I love your blog I read it often especially this post! My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me about 5 weeks ago and I have been going through exactly the same emotions! You make me feel like I’m not crazy! I now have a 6 week travel holiday booked around Australia in January! Thank you so much for your amazing blogs!

    1. Hi Laura. Thank you so much for reading and commenting :) I’m SO sorry you’re going through a breakup, they are the worst. But I hope you’ll come out the other side and realise that you’re much better off – I’m convinced these things happen to us for a reason. 6 weeks of travel in Australia seems like the PERFECT tonic. You can plan and look forward to it for the next few months, and that’ll help take your mind off things. My main advice is just to focus on you for a bit. Do things that really make you happy, or things you’ve wanted to do for ages but never got around to! Hope you feel better soon :)

  13. Hi Emily, thank you so much for your article! My fiancè just left me on Sunday, and I’m having such a hard time dealing with it. After 6 years living together, I feel so lost.. We were supposed to be going to crete this Sunday, so I’m going solo! I’m very, very nervous.. The last and only time I traveled solo was before him and involved a pretty brutal sexual assault. Have you any extra tips for staying safe? I really want to keep travelling and get over my fears but could use a little help.

    1. Hi Carol. Thanks so much for commenting. I am so sorry that you’re going through a breakup, but I always say these things happen for a reason and I’m sure that will prove to be the case eventually.

      I’m much more sorry to hear about your sexual assault. That sounds horrendous and I can’t even imagine what it must have been like. But when my sister asks if I don’t feel scared about things like that happening, I always point out that it’s just as likely to happen right here in my home town. What I mean is I try not to let those kinds of risks put me off travel or doing things I want to do. But I’m sure you know that :) As for actual tips, I guess it’s nothing you’ve probably never thought of yourself. Don’t wander alone after dark, make sure you look up the emergency service numbers in advance, that sort of thing. I like to ask my hotel/hostel where is safe or if there’s anywhere I should avoid. The staff are usually locals so they generally have a good clue about what’s ok. I also get them to give me a reputable taxi number if I can’t use Uber. I’d also suggest getting a local sim or paying for data if you’re plan doesn’t cover you abroad – I find having access to Google Maps and things really handy, since getting lost can put you in danger.

      A friend of mine went through an assault while travelling and she’s written a great post about it here:

      She’s also recorded an awesome podcast with another friend of mine, all about female travel safety tips:

      I hope those links help a bit!

      Have an amazing time in Crete. Think about you, do EXACTLY what you want to do – especially if it’s something he would hate – and enjoy it. And honestly if you have any other questions, or you find yourself abroad and feeling lonely, or you just need to talk – feel free to reach out :)

  14. Emily, this resonates with me SO much, I quite literally signed upto, probably..the very same email. It has been a month and a half since the breakup and I’ll tell you the first week I thought I was going to die from the amount of heartbreak I felt, I spent a week at my parents crying in their spare bedroom and lost 6kg. Ridiculous!
    Now I’m weeks away from turning 29 and trying to piece my life back together and scared I’m getting to old!
    I had planned a trip to Queensland for the two of us 2 days before the breakup – I’m from Australia, I wasnt going to go, but I have decided to still go and visit my good friend and enjoy myself.
    Others have suggested that I book a group tour overseas and this scares me to no end..reading your experience makes me think that I should just do it. I think I have a loss of self esteem and alot of insecurity from the breakup and maybe a tour overseaa might be good for me.

    1. Hi Annie. Thank you so much for commenting. I remember EXACTLY how you’re feeling and it sucks.

      First up – you are not getting too old!! I remember thinking the exact same thing. I was so worried that it was getting too late to follow the standard-issue life plan that all my friends were following, and that I’d be too old to have a baby by the time I met someone, and that I was too old for anyone to want me, etc etc. All legitimate and real worries but also all foolish, I promise you. You’re not too old, at 29 you have so much life ahead of you. Seriously if I think of all the things I’ve done and achieved in just the last 3 years since I was 29, it’s mental, feels like a whole lifetime. So yeah, DO NOT worry about that. Just worry about right now, and making yourself better, and doing whatever it is that makes YOU happy RIGHT NOW. Worry about your future when you’re in a better headspace.

      You should definitely go to Queensland! Change of scenery, see your friends, etc. While you’re out there, try planning to do something you’ve never done before. Maybe you and your friend could take a trip somewhere you’ve never been? Or you could book something terrifying like a bungee jump. The more new things I did, the more I forgot my ex – because it was like overwriting the memories of him with new ones.

      I also really think a group trip overseas would be perfect. I’ve done a few recently with TrekAmerica and have found them so good. It always feels really scary at first, but I promise that the fear goes away as soon as you’re on the trip. Everyone’s in the same boat, and everyone is just there to have fun and meet new people. It’s such a great way to start moving on and having fun on your own, without your ex. And if you really hate it – you can always come home. You can always undo going, but you can never not not go, if that makes sense?

      Hope you start to feel better soon X

  15. Thank you for this Emily. I’m currently getting over a break up and really struggling. So this is exactly the kind of thing I needed to read.

  16. Thank you for this. My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago, we have been In contact and he told me we could work it out, only to change his mind and say we could meet up as friends. I told him where to go and booked myself a flight to India. I’m still heartbroken and maybe hoping he will realise but not going to spend any more time obsessing over it. Your article had defineltly helped me realise that no man is worth wasting your time on.

    1. Hi Jess. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Sooo sorry you’re going through the same thing as I did but you’re exactly right, you can’t waste time obsessing over it. If he ever was going to come back, he’d do so whether you sat around moping or carried on with your life, ya know?! India is AMAZING, I hope you have the best time there. Just fill your time with distractions and new experiences, and post what a fab time you’re having all over social media to really stick it to him. Enjoy :)

  17. Hi. I noticed most comments here are from women
    I’m actually a man, went through a nasty divorce after 9 years of relationship. I have a 3.5 years old doughter which I love very much.
    I spend one day trying to recover and the other planning my suicide from an extreme amount of emotional suffering.
    An alternative that came to mind was going overseas, maybe Thailand? But I am very worried on going alone and never being abroad. I’m 37! Yeah…
    My fear is that I will find my self there, in the same state of depression.
    Reading your blog gave some hope that it could actually do me good.
    Thank you!

    1. Hi Roy! Thank you so much for your comment. I’m so pleased my blog post helped give you a bit of hope :) Sorry to hear you’re going through a divorce, that must be awful, and it sounds like you’re really struggling. Have you tried reaching out through the NHS or a private company for some counselling? I’ve had it before and found it very helpful when I was in a really dark place. Even if you don’t speak to someone “professional”, make sure you’re talking to loved ones and working your way through it. I always think, no matter how sh** things are, it will pass, I promise. any having a trip to look forward to and distract you is a great way to start moving forward. I hope you start feeling better soon :) Sending lots of positive thoughts your way!

  18. Hi Emily, it’s currently 04:23am and I couldn’t sleep so decided to Google “how to get over a break up” and your blog popped up. A few months ago I made the incredibly hard decision to cancel my wedding and my current life with just a few months to go until I was actually getting married. We are no longer together but still living together while our beautiful house sale is going through. I’m awake at this time because my partner (it feels weird saying ex right now) has just told me he’s actually met someone through work. Nothing has happened really as yet just a few dog walks but it’s really knocked me for 6 and I didn’t react well. I feel really disrespected that he couldn’t wait a few months until I was out of the country to embark on something new. Maybe I am being selfish but I can’t see any rationale behind it at the moment. I’m too furious.
    I too have booked a cliche open ended trip to Asia in a quest for happiness. I made the decision to call off this wedding and leave my entire life, sell our house, quit my job, sell my car, leave our dog and it’s all just getting a little on top now. It’s been extremely amicable between us since the break up and we’ve been very grown up about it but now I know he’s actively thinking about moving on so soon I feel so hurt and I am dreading the next couple of months as I know every time he’s out I’ll be thinking is he with her? Anyway the point of this is I really hope my travels give me the peace and acceptance of myself I need. I’m so worried I won’t be able to open myself up to meet someone new but I know I need time on my own first. A lot has happened in the last few years aside from this and I really need a break. Thank you for being open and honest about your feelings I hope to be able to report I am over this breakup soon. Xx

    1. Hi Stef. Thanks so much for commenting, and so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I’m also sorry I didn’t reply to your comment sooner, it got picked up by my spam filter and I only just spotted it.

      Going through breakups is never easy, but it must be extra hard that you’re still living together. I hope the house selling process is nearly over. I daresay he’s just trying to keep himself busy and move on, which I know hurts but equally it’s probably the best thing for both of you. My ex got a new girlfriend soon after we broke up and it hurt, but eventually I realised that if we were broken up there really wasn’t a difference if he moved on within a few weeks or in a year’s time. Either way, we were over and we both had to move on. Plus, he’s most likely just rebounding as a distraction.

      I’d say you’ll feel a lot better once you get yourself on a different continent and start thinking about moving on yourself :) Can you book a shorter trip in the meantime, as a distraction from everything that’s going on?

      Wahtever happens, I’m wishing you a speedy recovery and hope you start feeling better about it all asap. And ENJOY your travels! xx

  19. Hi Emily,
    So exactly 4 days ago my partner broke up with me. It was so all of a sudden and im still in absolute shock and cant understand how this possibly could have happened. I gave him nothing but love and time and attention. Cleaned his room, ironed his clothes, constantly showering him with love and affection and spending weeks making him handmade art and presents. Just for him to randomly meet up with me and call things off with all my belongings in his bag. Now dont get me wrong he was very loving and affectionate at the start and so caring when i was with him and always took me out to the loveliest dinners and made sure i was always fed and loved. But he was a man married to his work and that Got in between us. He said he couldn’t love me because he didnt have time to give me what i needed. And that i deserve To be with someone that can give me that time. But dont you just make it work if you love someone ? I was perfectly happy to even have him fit me one day of the month into his busy schedule, just to know he was still mine. He kept using terms like, “right person wrong time” and “i cant Love you” instead of i dont love you. Anyway the past 4 days have been incredibly rough. I havent eaten a thing, been throwing up, ive lost a lot of weight and my sleeping pattern is none existent. Took the entire week off work, can barely make it up and down the stairs without feeling faint and have a permanent dent in the sofa where ive been living for the past few days. Ive read so many heart break articles and blogs and YouTube videos but none hit me like yours. Which is probably why im sitting here giving you this ear full (sorry about that). In 5 days im flying to canada -a trip i was supposed to go on with my partner originally but now im going on my own. I was so excited before and ive solo travelled enough to know i have the confidence to do anything alone. But ive never felt anything like this. I’m so terrified to be going there alone. I live in London so the 10 hour flight is going to hit hard and being out there truely completely alone, feels like the scariest thing ever. But i want to go. I want to enjoy myself and find my happiness within shelf again because he stripped that from me -whether he knows it or not. I’m still in the denial stage of grieving and have the tiniest hope we could get back together.. but that feels going by the hour and i want it to. I want him to see how happy i am and can be without him. I was happy before i met Him. I can do it again.

    1. Oh Simi I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going for. Breakups well and truly suck – I also didn’t eat and just kind of sat there feeling lost. I was living with my ex and his parents in Guernsey so had to fly back to England and go stay with my sister and I just remember it as the most miserable week… but I got through it, and then I got through the next weeks, and so will you. It’s such a cliche but it’s true that time is the best healer, every day things just get a tiny bit better until they’re good again, as I’m sure you know deep down. But I honestly think there’s nothing better than travel to speed up that process! Distraction, fun, meeting new people, maybe a little rebound holiday romance if you’re feeling up to it – it’s the perfect medicine for a broken heart. Just surround yourself with things that bring you joy, get out there and enjoy yourself. Canada is such a fun country so you’re bound to have a great time. Also don’t berate yourself if you’re not constantly having a great time, it’s gonna be up and down for a while and that’s OK :)

      Wishing you all the best and I really hope you have a great trip. And that it doesn’t take too long to heal and move on and grow from this experience – and meet someone who deserves you and wants to make time for you :) Feel better xxx

  20. Extra note *
    I really appreciate you making this post. I dont think i could Ever muster up the courage to share my heartbreak. It’s like reliving it all over again and im still living it. Youve really helped give me some hope and maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. You’re truely amazing !

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